over my head

I look around the table and wonder, “How the hell did I end up here?”

Talent? Nope.

Expert networking abilities. Doubt it.

Out of sheer luck? More than likely yes.

Sometimes it takes a bit of luck. And a dash of not being a complete ass to people.

But the notes on my laptop distract me from the presented agenda up on the projection screen. If I look up, maybe they’ll expect me to contribute. Which takes me away from my note taking and blending in to the back of the group.

It doesn’t take long for the flood of realization that maybe I don’t belong in these types of meetings and presentations.

I don’t dare excuse myself to the bathroom to puke my guts out. After all, what would they then think?

“He can’t hack it.”

“Are they going to replace him next week?”

“Why the hell would he order fish tacos for lunch?”

But I continue with my notes. A smile here. A comment there.

When the meeting’s done, we all stand in unison, like we practiced this beforehand.

The leader’s hand swallows mine whole as we shake and I can’t help but think if he’s going to give me an offer I can’t refuse. “Nice meeting with you,” he says. “I’m excited for 2016.”

And with that I’m relieved for the briefest of moments. Maybe today wasn’t the worst of days.

Maybe it was just the fish tacos.

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2 thoughts on “over my head

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